


Just breathe

by Ruiskukka



Category: CountryHumans, Countryballs, Geography (Anthropomorphic)
Genre: Angst, Drama, M/M, Psychology, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23739091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ruiskukka/pseuds/Ruiskukka
Summary: Every breath you take is important to me. After all, if you stop breathing, then the hope in me will also stop breathing.
Relationships: USSR/Finland
Kudos: 4





	Just breathe

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Просто дыши](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/673366) by Ruiskukka. 



Just breathe.  
I beg you  
Take another breath  
One and the other.  
I'm here again,  
Still with you.

Any day could be your last. I look with undying hope at the delicate outline of your face, at the cold cheeks, at the inviting lips that I so passionately want to kiss. And I look into your empty eyes that always look only through me. They can no longer look at me or anyone else, they are always looking somewhere in the distance. So far away that I can't understand it or see it, because you have a completely different world open to you, which is not like our world. Perhaps you are there all alone, wandering in a meaningless search for someone alive, or you even like it, and you enjoy the silence. Or you are there with your family, with your brothers, who here, like me, hope that you will return here from that illusory world. In a world where I am not.

How I want to feel your cold breath on my skin. Want to feel you with my whole body and soul. Again. How I would like to feel it again. But it's all so close and yet so far away from me. After all, this may not happen. It won't happen if you stop breathing.

Just breathe. Every day I hope that tomorrow you will still be breathing and this day will not be the last. But he can become one. And that's what I'm most afraid of. Because then hope will die in me. Hope for the future with you. For a future in which we will give ourselves to each other again and forever.

Take another breath. First and second, then third and fourth. Just breathe. I'm near. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second. Just to will see you come out of this long sleep that you've been in for all this eternity. I will always be there for you. You may not even know it, but I do. And when you finally Wake up from the great dream, I will sit next to you, look at you tenderly, and finally whisper "Welcome back."

I sit carefully on your bed so that I don't accidentally disturb you. I gently run my hand over your forehead, cheek, and lips, tracing each curve. Then I gently touch your cheek and hold it, enjoying the coolness of your body. It's so wonderful. Your cold is not like the one that is walking outside the window now. Your cold is special and I understand it well, so I want to taste you again.

I was distracted for a moment by an empty vase that reminds me of you now, it is also empty now, like your eyes and soul, and I remembered that I forgot to bring lilies of the valley. I'm so sorry. Looks like I left it at home in a hurry. I'll bring them to you tomorrow. Don't worry.

When I looked down at you again, I was taken aback. I thought you were looking right at me. Not somewhere far away through everything, but at me. It's like you've finally come back from that illusion, and I can tell you everything that's going on in my heart. Even though I do it every time, it's you I want to talk to, not someone who doesn't respond to anything other than lilies of the valley. I noticed that you had a faint smile on your face when I brought them in. You always liked them. You melted when you saw them in my hands. It was a great time. Times that can't be forgotten. As it is impossible to forget your taste, having tasted only once.

Sometimes it seems like it's all a punishment. And who it is intended for is unknown. Either for me or for you. Maybe both of us. After all, we made so many mistakes that can't remember everything. And I'm so sorry. I would like to forget it and bask in the memory of where we are together. And that episode where your smile is among the beautiful lilies of the valley. I remember that. I remember giving them to you before all this. Before all the stupid mistakes we made that brought you to this.

We always lacked something in life, but finding each other we finally found what we wanted. You basked in my warmth, and I rested in your cold. We bathed in love and enjoyed each other's bodies. There was always this beautiful harmony between us, which I tried to protect, but in the end I destroyed it. No. We destroyed it ourselves. Now I want to restore it again. Because I can't take it without you anymore. You are like a drug, without which comes a strong withdrawal, which makes me suffer from powerlessness. It's like you're right next to me, but you're still unavailable. It makes you want to scream, convulse, and sob. But I'm trying to hold on. I want to hope more and more for your next breath, so that you can finally wake up.

When I lost myself for a moment, I didn't notice immediately how it over. You didn't look at me anymore. Once again, you went somewhere beyond this world. But I got a big ray of hope. This is the first time in so long that you've noticed me. I would like to scream and cry with joy. But I don't do this. Otherwise, I might lose the chance to see you. I can't let that happen. I don't want to lose you.

I flinch when a hand touches my shoulder. When I let go of you and turn around, I see your brother. I never could understand what was going on in his mind during our dry conversations. He is impossible to read. He hates me for what I did, but he lets me see you. I can't figure out what's driving him in this situation. He remains a mystery to me, shrouded in darkness.

Sweden follows you with a sad look and nods slowly in my direction. My visit is over. The day was over. Which means I won't be able to see you again until tomorrow. In the meantime, I can only hope that you continue to breathe. Just breathe. So that I can have a reason for my existence and continue to come here. For your sake, I would pluck a star from the sky and give it to you. Or get from the bottom of the ocean the most valuable treasure that can be there. I will conquer the mountains, go through all the forests, all for you and your new breath. Just breathe.

I don't want to leave you, but it is necessary. I have to take it away from my heart and leave you. For the umpteenth time. Despite the fact that I can come back tomorrow, I'm still uneasy about it. At home, I can't stand the thought that you might not take another breath and I might not see you again. For so many years, I still can't get rid of this anxiety and just live with it, unable to eradicate it. But to tell you the truth, I'm already used to it. I am used to this terrible feeling, because it has been with me for so long that it seems to me that if it disappears, I will not be able to be as before, as if a part of me will disappear forever and will not return. It gives me the creeps, and I don't know what to do about it. It's like it's destroying me from the inside out.

And now it all starts again. I'm here with you again. I didn't forget your flowers this time. Now the vase is filled with beautiful modest lilies of the valley, but you are still as empty. When will the day come when you will wake up from these endless dream and return to me? So many years have passed, and you are still there, far away, the way to which I do not know, but I would so like to find. And meet you there, again hug and kiss, give you all of myself and finally enjoy you and your cold. But these are just my dreams, which are unlikely to be fulfilled. But my hope still breathes as long as you breathe. So please keep breathing.

I caught your eyes on me again. It's still empty, but it's looking at me. The flames inside me are starting to get stronger, it seems that a fire is about to start, which will burn me from the inside, leaving only ashes. But I can't let this flame take over all of me, so I need you and your cold so badly that will extinguish this raging fire inside me, allowing me to stay alive.

I noticed a slight smile on your face, and in a moment a pleasant sunlight seemed to spread inside me, as if you had placed a small but blinding bright sun in my heart with your smile. For you, for your fleeting smile, for your look, I will do anything. I hope so, after you wake up, you will be happy to see me again, despite all the mistakes we made. And we will be together again and no longer lose ourselves in this world and disappear in lonely dreams.

This day passed faster than the last. And I've never been able to fully enjoy your company, as if you weren't enough for me. I think I'm getting sick of it already. Like I'm going crazy. It begins to seem that all this simply does not exist and it is I who am in a dream, and not you. It's like I'm in an eternal nightmare where I can see you but not feel you. These thoughts make me shudder. After all, it seems to me that this may be very true. The truth that I can't accept and try to fight it every day, thinking that it's really you who are in a trance that I can't get you out of. I can, but only a little: just your smile, and now your look. I want more. But I can't. Am I really dreaming?

And again I am here with you. For the umpteenth time. But I will keep coming until the miracle happens. But I have doubts that this will not happen. But I must not think so or doubt it. The fact that you pay attention to me already says a lot. And I'm happy for that tiny detail.

I put my hand on your cheek again. Pleasant coolness. It's been wonderful. I tilt and our foreheads touch. Close my eyes. Still, your cold is great. It extinguishes the fire inside me, prevents me from being burned. And it warms me at the same time. Because even though you're in this state, you're still helping me. I wish I could help you. I'm so pathetic. I can't help my love. So terrible. This made me feel sick and heavy at heart. An unpleasant lump formed in my throat. But the feeling of you calms me. How hard and difficult it is for me. You give me a feeling of helplessness before your problem, but at the same time you give me hope and protection. It's so complicated that I don't know what's really true.

When I opened my eyes, I felt awkward. At that moment, something changed, but I couldn't figure out what. It's like a few days in a row, when you look at me, but at the same time something is wrong. Without looking up from you, I try unsuccessfully to understand what seems new to me. But all my attempts to understand this, crumble to dust. I can't figure out what's changed. So I keep trying to find answers in your eyes. But they can't answer my question.

And you still continue to look into my soul. For some reason, a shiver ran down my spine. Where did she come from? And it is unusual. I can't figure out what it is. Maybe I should break away from you to look at it from the outside, but I can't. It's like you're mesmerizing me with your heavenly eyes that I can't take my eyes off. I want to drown in them, but still stay alive. It seems like I'm asking too much. It is worth moderating your endless desires.

I don't know how long it's been since we've been in this state, but I'd say it's been a long time, because it's getting darker in the room. Without looking up from you, I try unsuccessfully to understand what has changed, but nothing comes out. It's frightening and upsetting. How long will it last?

As soon as I want to move away from you, I notice a tiny awareness in your eyes. Can it be the same day, this is the moment I've been waiting for? Is everything finally going to happen? It's finally over.

Before I can fully comprehend what has happened, I feel our lips touching. I feel your cold and how it penetrates me. How my soul freezes with fear, surprise and happiness. I let you have me, and I don't resist. I've been waiting for this for so long that it already felt like I was asleep, not you. But it was not so. After all, you were in this endless maze that seemed unbearable to both of us. But it over. At last this ominous dream came to an end, and we are together again. I won't let it happen again. I can't bear it a second time. I think you are, too.

After enjoying the moment, you let me go, and I can see how clear your eyes are. I can see confusion, happiness, and fear. I don't know where it came from, but it seems to have something to do with this dream. You seem to be afraid that I'll just disappear, as if I didn't exist. But that's not going to happen, because you're finally back. You back here with us. Back to me. And I won't let you go again, or let you leave me again. I will always be there for you.

Your gaze softens, and you whisper softly, as if you are still afraid that everything will disappear and never come back: _"It looks like it's not a dream after all…"_

A faint smile spreads across my face and I say the long-awaited words that freeze my soul in anticipation:

_"Welcome back."_


End file.
